iCarly: iCan’t Do This – Chapter 11

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iCarly: iCan’t Do This – Chapter 11iCarly: iCan’t Do This – Chapter 11: A Friend in NeedI get back the apartment and Spencer’s following me, waiting for me to do something. And I might have been ready to talk to him before, but my mom’s words are buzzing in my head, running around and around and nipping at me with sharp little teeth. I go up to the studio for some peace, chewing on my nails nervously. I know she’s full of bullshit. I know she just said that stuff to hurt me, to f0rce me back to her… but… she had a point.What if Carly was getting sick of me? What if she didn’t love me anymore? I mean, I know she doesn’t love me love me, but… what if it’s not even as a friend anymore? With all that’s happened between us… all that’s happening to us now… I’m not sure anymore.I have to talk to her.I can’t stay in this… this limbo, where I don’t know where I stand with her. I love her. I’m in love with her. In every possible way. I can’t help it. I wish I could. But I have no idea how she feels about me. I mean… I never thought I had a chance, never deserved a chance. And then after… when she said she felt something… I thought something would’ve happened, that things would have changed. But they haven’t. I have no idea.She loves me, she loves me not, and I’m all out of petals.And I fight with it the rest of the day. Should I talk to her? But once I do… I’ll know, and it has the potential to hurt. A high potential. And I can take physical pain, I can ignore that, but I can’t take the emotional pain. I can’t fight it. And I’ll do anything to avoid it. But I can’t keep going like this, my mom’s word burrowing deeper into my brain, sowing these pessimistic seeds of doubt. And Carly notices my long looks at her, she senses that I’m almost canlı kaçak bahis constantly on the verge of saying something to her. But I can’t.I want to, but I can’t.Even as we head to bed, I’m fighting myself. Should I? Shouldn’t I? Even as I slip under my blanket, even though I’m wide awake, fidgeting restlessly.I toy with a loose thread on the blanket, chewing my lip. No. I have to do it now. I stand, the blanket slipping from me. No. I can’t. What if- I shake my head.I have to.I take a deep breath, pausing at the foot of the stairs. Once I do this… there’s no coming back. Once it’s done, it’s done. It is what it is.I swallow hard. Hardly words of encouragement. But be brave, just be brave for once. I go up the stairs slowly, gripping tight to the railing, faltering outside her door, my hand raised. I grit my teeth and rap my hand lightly against the wood, the sound staccato in the silence. And it seems like the door opens almost immediately, but my sense of time is all screwed up.She wasn’t asleep. She doesn’t look like she’s been sleeping. Her brow crinkles. “Sam?”No dodging, no skirting, no avoiding why you’re here. Just say what you have to say. “We need to talk. Now.”Carly looks away, but she moves out of the doorway, to the side, gesturing me in. I run a hand through my hair, my fingers tangling in the thick locks, and walk over to her bed, sitting on it. I think better and stand. And even now I can’t ignore the way her body affects me. And my eyes linger on the smooth skin of her legs, the shorts barely covering anything, her singlet, revealing a sliver of skin before the waistband of her shorts start. And I can see the beginnings of her hips, and my hands itch to be there.My eyes flick up to her face, and she’s staring casino firmalari at me, knowing.She crosses her arms, hugging herself as if she’s cold, and walks over to me. “So where do we start?” Her voice is quiet and serious. And sad. And it’s like she’s dropping an act, and I can see how tired she is, how much this has affected her.And I have to put my hands in my pockets to stop from touching her. I want to make her feel better. But it’s not my place. I sigh. “Let’s start with last night. What was that?”Her eyes shift away from me, and they’re almost black in this light, and impossible to read. She moves uncomfortably on her feet. “I- I don’t know. I…” She’s biting her lip, hesitating, and I grab her shoulders. I have to know. Have to make her look at me. And it works. “I just wanted to.” Her voice is soft, so quiet, and it makes me aware of how close we are. And her arms uncross, her hands sliding around my waist and she leans her head closer.And I know she’s going to kiss me, can see it in the way she’s looking at me now, her lips parted, and I can feel my self-control crumbling. “Please Carly… please-“Don’t do this…Her lips touch mine lightly, and she sighs at the contact, pressing harder. And I can’t stop myself from responding, can’t stop my arms from wrapping around her and drawing her closer. And I feel like I’m falling apart. Like I’m crumbling.I pull back, breaking free of her and I back away, my hands up defensively. My breath is uneven, and I feel this turmoil in me. Because I want to kiss her again.”Why? Why can’t you… tell me?”She sighs, crossing to her bed and sitting on it, drawing her legs up under her. I sit gingerly on the edge of the bed. I can’t be too close to her.”You’re my best friend Sam.”I snort. “Am güvenilir casino I?”She looks up, her eyes wide. And she looks scared. “Yes. You are.” She says the words slowly and deliberately.And I feel my gut churn as I realise something. “Are you… are you doing this because I said I loved you? Because you think this is what I want?”A wave of frustration sweeps through me, and most of it’s directed at myself. I feel myself working up into a frenzy.”What, you have to put yourself up to this? To- to kissing me at night because you can’t stand it during the day? Do you think this is what you have to do to keep me? To keep from losing me? This isn’t what I want. I don’t want you kissing me because you’re scared I’m gonna run away.”Carly leans forward and takes my hand, and it silences me. She bites her lip, edging closer to me. “Sam, I’m not doing this because I’m scared of losing you. I’m doing this because I’m scared of- of the way I feel around you. You’re my best friend. And you’re a girl. I don’t- I shouldn’t feel like this. I don’t wanna feel like this!”It undoes me. I feel my anger and frustration drain away instantly and I’m scared at the intensity of the moment. She squeezes my hand. And although her words were sad and I could hear her distaste at herself, she’s drawing closer to me. Her fingers brush my chin lightly, lifting my face. And her lips are soft, and I feel something in me flutter at the sincerity of her kiss.Her lips are trembling when she pulls back, sighing.”But I can’t help it… I can’t fight it.”She kisses me again, quick, light, hungry kisses that stoke this fire inside me.”I want you Sam. I want you so much it scares me.” And she’s smiling, but her voice is weak and terrified.She kisses me again, making a small sound in the back of her throat that sends shivers through me. And I can tell, I can feel that she wants me, and her lips linger on me before she pulls away. She licks her lips, and I u*********sly mimic the action, tasting her on me.“I want you too.”

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