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People think that the world is getting closer. They think that modern technology and social networking is bringing us all together. It’s not. All that it has really achieved is to replace real, meaningful human contact with an artificial electronic ‘handshake’ of sorts.
Many people feel more lonely and cut off now than they ever did before. Sure they can find out what a long lost friend is up to at any given point, but…they probably can’t remember when they last actually ‘talked’ to them face to face.
People are beginning to fall through the cracks. Electronically fooled into thinking they are engaged in life and surrounded by friends and yet they go home to their empty apartments and sleep alone every night.
You can’t replace real contact with a ‘status update’.
‘At the Mercy of A Stranger’ is about one such person who fell through the cracks. Wounded by broken relationships and life in general. A person driven to an unconventional solution to what is now a very common problem.
Yes men and women are profoundly different. Our perspectives on life may differ, but in the end we both suffer from the same human condition. We all get lonely and we all need contact and affection. In this respect the similarities far outweigh the differences.
(In real life I have played the role of the mystery man in this story….it sounds a little vain..but I am him and he is me….writing what he did and what he said was easy…it’s what I would do and sometimes what I have done. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you I have had anonymous liaisons even more intense than his one…..beautiful women met online that desperately craved the kind of anonymous experience described here. The danger of it…the thrill of giving over control and submitting their bodies to the sexual whims of a mysterious stranger. So you see, this is very much a fiction based on fact, a collection of many real people blended into one.)
Scratch the surface of this story and you’ll realise that the two protagonists in this tale are really just two sides of the same coin. Their approach may be different, but in the end they simply represent both the male and female response to the same desperate problem….and….as electronic alternatives grow and continue to take the place of real human contact, it’s a problem that I suspect will only get worse.
This is for the people that still want real world intimacy in a time when social media passes for a relationship.
This is for the poor souls that want something real but no longer have the social skills that humans used to take for granted……………sometimes what you crave most can be found behind the anonymous freedom of a blindfold.
Peace and love……..
William (aka Dimachaerus)
Angela arrived home from work, poured herself a drink, and without thinking slumped down in that comfortable familiar chair in front of the TV.
Her mind was blank.
Today was like yesterday and the day before that. Even the network news seemed to be playing the same old stories over and over again.
If her life was hell, then it was a comfortable, familiar hell.
Never ending and unchanging.
An endless daily routine that would probably continue on until the day she died.
Sometimes Angela thought she was suffering from depression. Maybe she was. She never thought of herself as sad, but then again, she couldn’t remember the last time she was actually happy.
A person begins their life full of hope and ambition, and day by day their choices shrink until they are only left with one.
Angela had made her choices and she had played the game. She had put up a good fight all of her life and had never settled for the easy road. She trusted that by being brave and not giving up that she would get the life she deserved.
It broke her heart when one day she finally realized that for all her struggles, she had still found herself in this place. A place she didn’t deserve.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. She was now on the wrong side of 35 and she lived alone. She had a fine home filled with stylish and expensive things, but it all meant nothing.
Her apartment contained a fine collection of IKEA furniture and it had now become a virtual showroom. The result of her own ‘nesting’ instincts combined with rampant consumerism. A vain attempt to fill the void in her life with possessions.
But….no matter how she tried to close it….the void always remained.
The solid oak shelves contained expensive trinkets and objects but held no pictures of a loving husband or boyfriend. There were no images of her beautiful, smiling children either. She had never had any.
There had been boyfriends and lovers of course. More than a few in fact. She had approached each relationship with hope and honesty and every time it would end in tears. She had such high hopes for each and every one, and she was genuinely shocked and hurt with each failure.
It’s hard not to take it personally when it keeps on happening over and over casino oyna again.
Michael, her last boyfriend may have been the last straw for Angela. She approached that relationship with patience and optimism. She was determined to take all of her previous failures and learn from them.
She did everything perfectly, or so she thought.
Angela became the best version of herself she had ever been. She couldn’t be any better than that. If this failed then there was no hope for her at all.
When he told her one day that it just wasn’t working out for him, something broke deep down inside her.
It was the end of hope.
The acceptance of a different kind of life.
She let herself stop fighting. She would live the rest of her days in this comfortable hell, alone.
One by one her feelings and emotions began to shut down and she began not to hurt so much anymore. No pain, but no happiness either.
Sometimes she would panic when she realized she felt nothing. She knew it wasn’t normal.
She didn’t crave company. She didn’t desire sex with anyone. She became a non-descript, dull version of herself.
Her clothes became drab. Her hips increased in size.
It was okay if nobody desired her any more, she didn’t want to be desired or even feel desire for somebody else, she had been down that road too many times and it had always ended in pain.
She was alive and nothing more. Her heart just kept beating and one day either tomorrow or maybe 50 years from now it would stop. It didn’t really matter which.
Occasionally Angela went through the motions of being alive, but that was mostly for show. She was her usual happy self at work and as long as she attended the odd social function, her workmates wouldn’t ask any intrusive personal questions. Her life was her own business.
Watching other people’s lives and their personal dramas had become entertainment for her. She was immune to it all. She could laugh at the folly of their relationship troubles because she was past all that and she knew better.
Online dating sites were the best of all. Angela scanned the personals of the ‘lost and desperate’ as she put it and found it all comical and pathetic.
Once she started looking at things with a detached, clinical mind she started to see what people were really like and Angela was not impressed by any of it.
She had seen it all before and could identify every ploy and strategy that took place in the pages of those online personals. Back when she gave a damn, she had even been one of those poor lost souls. Now she was just a spectator.
She felt very smug and superior about it all, and soon, without even knowing it, her arrogance had become her greatest weakness.
She now hid behind a protective wall built of her own hubris and pride. An understandable but tragically flawed strategy, because when that wall finally tumbles down, the person cowering behind it has nowhere left to hide.
One night Angela saw something new online, something she could not explain and it infuriated her. It was an adult personal from a man in his thirties and it didn’t conform to any of the tricks or stereotypes she had come to know so well.
She didn’t know what the purpose of this personal was, but it had to be a new variation on an old trick. She wasn’t sure yet.
The heading contained only four words.
“YOU ARE NOT ALONE”
Angela clicked on the heading and began to read the personal….but….with each word she only just got more agitated.
‘What the hell is your game?’ she thought to herself, after all, men were stupid and ignorant. They weren’t capable of anything deep and meaningful when it came to sex, so what was this guy trying to prove. She read on…..
“You are not alone. I cannot offer you love or romance but I can give you what you need. You are a woman in your thirties or even forties. You think it is all over, but it has only just begun. You think you are worthless but you have worth to me. You think you are useless but you have many uses to a man like myself.
I do not care what you look like, all I see is potential. I can give you experience and re-awakening. I offer only the opportunity, it is up to you now to choose it (or not) and take back your life”
What did that even mean?
Angela didn’t need anything from this man but that didn’t mean she couldn’t call his bluff.
For the first time ever she sent a reply to a personal.
She would play with this fool. This was probably just some ‘pencil necked’ accountant type trying to score a quick easy fuck and she would bring him down to size.
“What kind of experience and what kind of opportunity can you offer me?” Was her short reply.
His own response was quick and business like.
“Send recent pic…details will follow.”
Angela didn’t reply right away, in fact she thought about it for two days before boredom and curiosity finally got the better of her. She sent a photo that wasn’t particularly flattering and she even used her real name. It didn’t slot oyna make a difference one way or the other, there was no way she was going to follow through with this creep anyway.
A longer reply came the next day.
“Thank-you Angela. Yes I can work with you. I can give you what you need.
I know your type. You are tired and dead inside but I can wake you up. I’m guessing you don’t date a lot anymore and I’m sorry but you won’t be dating me either.
I can offer you a night that will change everything in your life. I’m not going to lie to you, it will not be easy and you will be pushed to your limits. Changing a person’s life is no small thing, you have to go through an ordeal in order to emerge a stronger happier person.
By telling you this you have most likely just decided not to attend. That is the reaction of roughly 80% of everyone I have offered this experience to. It’s human nature to be afraid of what you don’t understand.
And let’s get one thing clear right off the bat. Getting thoroughly fucked is going to be part of your experience (safely of course). I’m not a saint and I’m not here to give you therapy, however, there will be dramatic and positive results from all of this.
The choice is yours Angela. Let’s be honest you don’t really have anything to lose anymore now do you….you can do this and change your life for the better or you can go on living it the same old way….your choice.”
Angela sat quite still for at least a minute after reading the reply. She felt nothing but anger and contempt for this man. If he had been standing in front of her she would have picked up the nearest blunt object and hit him with it.
There were also many other things going through her head.
She was supposed to be the one in control. She had e-mailed a photo and even used her own real name intending to expose and humiliate this man but she didn’t feel good or superior now at all.
In truth, she just felt deeply hurt.
Many of his words had hit home and they had hit hard. He had taken one look at her photo and had ripped Angela to shreds. He had taken her apart in the cruellest way and suddenly without warning she began to cry.
Was it really that obvious?
A complete stranger sees a photo of her and all he saw was an un-datable cold bitch with nothing left to lose.
Angela was feeling pain once more and she didn’t want it. This was why she had turned her back on the world. Why the fuck did she even reply to that prick’s personal? Why did she open that door?
That night the familiar old demons that Angela knew so well came back to her while she tried desperately to fall asleep.
They were ghosts from her past. They had never fully gone away and they always re-appeared whenever she was stupid enough to let her defences down.
She knew those voices all too well and they were saying the same things all over again.
There was the voice that told her she was ‘ugly’ and there was the other voice that told her she was nothing but a ‘fat useless bitch’.
Somewhere amongst all the tears she fell asleep.
The voices stayed with her in her dreams and when she woke up the next morning she felt empty, alone and on the verge of tears.
Things didn’t go well for her at work that day. The pain and insecurity that had once dominated her life had now returned and she couldn’t switch it off like she usually could.
Angela let the days pass by thinking that the feeling would go away over time. But it didn’t.
A few days later she found herself staring at a bottle of prescription sleeping pills on her counter and wondering how it would feel if she took them all now and just let herself fade away.
Even in her darkest days, things had not been this dark for Angela.
It seemed now that there would be no dull boring life for her after-all. It seemed now that one way or another things were about to end and the pain would be gone. She wasn’t afraid anymore. She wanted this. She wanted it to end.
Not long after that the panic set in when she realized that she was really going to go through with this. All rational thought ended as the tears came freely and she let hopelessness take her.
With venom and anger she opened her e-mail and composed a short message to the man that had done this to her. She wanted him to know what he had done. He had killed her with his callousness and he would have it on his conscience for the rest of his life.
She put it all down. Every word contained malice and hatred for this man that she had never met.
She drank recklessly from a bottle of Tequila as she typed each word. It was a bottle she had been saving for a special occasion but that didn’t matter anymore. There would be no more special occasions now.
When she had finished the message she let the mouse pointer hover over the on-screen ‘send’ button.
Emotion over-took her as the enormity of what she was about to do struck her hard.
In a fit of panic and tears she deleted the whole email and replaced it with three simple canlı casino siteleri upper-case words.
“PLEASE HELP ME”.
His reply came mercifully fast and in less than fifteen minutes she got her answer.
“Angela. I assume that you read my previous e-mail and I trust that you have thought hard about its implications. If you want to change your life you must follow my instructions to the letter and without exception. If you understand this and you agree then you must say so right now.”
What did she have to lose now. What else was she going to say?
“I agree to everything” She replied briefly.
She knew this was unwise, but considering that moments earlier she would have happily swallowed a bottle of pills, this seemed like salvation to her.
She received a reply an hour later this time.
The e-mail contained directions to a loft apartment across town. She was to arrive at 11pm the following night.
She would also find an envelope containing further information taped to the front door.
The e-mail then went on to give more specific instructions.
“You will follow all directions without question. Remember why you are there and dress accordingly. You are not going to work or attending a meeting and we aren’t going to be chatting about art either.
I don’t care about what kind of body type you have or how big you think your ass is, you will come dressed provocatively.
To be more specific, you will be dressed like a common little whore for me. You will discover very quickly that a whore possess the kind of freedom that a ‘good girl’ never can.
It will be the first of many wonderful lessons for you.
If you follow those simple instructions, then you will be rewarded with the fucking of your life.
Do we understand each other?”
“Yes I understand and I will be there.” Angela replied.
People do strange things when going through a crisis. It’s fair to say that the old Angela wouldn’t have given this man the time of day, and now she was going to place herself at the mercy of a stranger.
God knows what he was going to do to her. The most surprising thing of all was that Angela didn’t even care anymore.
She surely deserved any suffering that came her way, even pain was now preferable to the numb existence her life had been for the past two years.
Strange things began to happen inside her. Her inner pain was replaced by fear and the adrenalin that accompanied it.
She began to feel.
Even if all she felt was this sickening fear, the fact still remained that she was feeling something. That gave her a glimmer of hope.
Angela was not a stupid woman, far from it, she was fiercely intelligent. She wasn’t going into this as a gullible fool would.
She read the man’s words over and over until she worked out a motive that would fit his actions. It gave her a feeling of control, even though in reality she had none.
She doubted he was sincere about anything he had said.
This was clearly a man who had found an inventive way to get all the sex he wanted.
Sure he was making it sound like he was doing her a favour, but this was probably just another random guy who had figured out how to get a good fuck from desperate women.
She knew all that, and she didn’t care.
The truth of it was that this was the only offer she had received from anyone in over a year.
She thought that it didn’t matter to her, but clearly it did.
She gave her best ‘fuck off’ vibes to anyone in the past who had tried anything.
As far as Angela was concerned it was this little weasel’s lucky day. He had found a sure thing.
He had figured out a way to give ‘pity fucks’ to desperate women with lowered expectations. Inventive and almost admirable really.
‘He probably has sad bitches like me just lining up.’ She thought to herself.
Those were typical of the thoughts that dominated Angela’s mind over the next few hours.
She e-mailed her work and informed them that she had been sick the entire night and wouldn’t be into work the next morning. Just to hammer the point home she changed her facebook status. It now read.
“Soooo sick, I’m gonna kill the person that gave me this cold.”
She got a few sympathy messages and one asshole even clicked the ‘like’ button.
‘Fucking Typical’ she thought to herself.
The next morning Angela woke up feeling positively mean. It was just as well that she didn’t go to work that day. She probably would’ve bitten the head off of the first person that so much as looked at her sideways.
“So that asshole wants a good little whore huh?” She said aloud to herself.
“Well mister it’s your lucky day” She added with a smile, feeling good for the first time in days.
She perched on a stool in front of her closet and retrieved a large cardboard box from the top shelf. She hadn’t opened that box in over two years.
She had since come to refer to it as her ‘box of shame’.
Inside the box were all the sexy tight dresses and skimpy lingerie that she had bought over the years in her vain attempts to spice things up and re-ignite the non-existent libidos of her past boyfriends.
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