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This is my first story, so I appreciate feedback. Before you start however be aware that this story has a slower setup, if this isn’t your thing, look elsewhere.
My head hit the pillow like a ton of bricks…
It was another night in a long line of nights, ending the same way. Drinking makes it easier to keep my mind from probing those dark corners, those thoughts that are better left undisturbed. But inevitably, the next time I think about her, the next time I am reminded of her, a torrential wave of desire hits me and I am left defenseless in the onslaught of emotion.
It would be easier if I could make my feelings clear. If I could only tell her how I feel, whether rejected or not, I could at the very least Do Something!
Matters aren’t so simple though, since she is Arianna, my sister. What she would think of me if she only knew…
I have never felt this way about anyone before. Her simple logic, her iron will, and her unyielding attitude never cease to delight me. Nobody brings a smile to my face, or a laugh to my heart like her. She is my safe place, she is home.
Anna is gay. When she told me in junior high, she said she had always known, but she forced me into secrecy anyway. We both knew that if mom found out she would flip, so covering for her has been easy. I have always envied her self-awareness. She knows what she wants and she doesn’t let anything get in her way.
Before I honestly confronted my feelings, there had been a few steady guys, some one night stands, and a couple of trysts with the occasional girl, but nothing that lasted. At the time though, it was easy to deny that the feelings I had for her weren’t just sisterly love. It was just out of the question. When those thoughts came into my head, they were dismissed offhand. My relationships never felt right, but I chalked that up to immature boys in high school.
When I went to college though, things became more difficult. Without her, there was a void, and the thoughts weren’t so easy to push away. I did the normal things, experimenting with drugs, alcohol, sex, but it all seemed empty. Eventually I realized that I was trying to fill the hollow place left when I wasn’t with her, I was trying to feel something.
After two semesters, I had a good group of friends, the best of whom was Sophie, my freshman roommate. Especially when I was around her, I could lose myself in the act. Pretending I was the average college girl, walking the razor edge of partying and studying, taking life as it comes. But once I was back in my room, alone, it would sink in. I would never feel the way they did. I could never be content working toward a job, making connections, and finding my way in life like they did. I had discovered the only thing I really wanted from life. But I couldn’t ever be with the one person who completed me… And it was killing me.
Things were looking up though, or down depending on my mood. Anna was following my lead, and had declared that she was going to EWU for the upcoming fall semester. It had always been so easy to be around her. I didn’t have to act a certain way, or censor myself. I could be myself. Now though, I wasn’t so sure. I didn’t know how I could act normally when every fiber of my being wanted to kiss her, to show her physically how much I wanted to be with her. That was why I had made excuses for the last year, telling my mother that I needed to study for Thanksgiving break, and when winter break came around, inventing a boyfriend, Marcus, that I was going to stay in town with. Lying to my mother was hard, but I knew keeping up a front while I faced my sister would be even harder.
I kept in touch with Anna every day when I first left, but as I became more aware of my feelings, a gap grew. It was harder for me to be open with her, when I knew I could never express the feelings I really wanted to. So our correspondences became less frequent, but I still tried to make sure she knew I hadn’t stopped thinking about her. For her birthday I sent her a hot red bandage dress with matching stiletto heels, along with the message, Maybe this will help you with the Boys! I knew that would annoy her and that she would proclaim to hate it, but I also knew she would look stunning in it.
As the start of the semester grew closer I became more and more anxious. Part of me was excited for the imminent arrival of my favorite person, but mostly I was ashamed. How could I let these feelings I knew were wrong interfere with our relationship? I hated myself for the distance I had put between us. I wanted so much for things to be back the way they were, simple, before I got in my head and fucked things up. From our brief interactions I could tell that things were wrong between us. I didn’t even hear that Anna was coming to EWU until I talked to my mom, and when I asked her, I couldn’t even get a solid date when she was coming. We used to share everything, but I guess I couldn’t expect Anna to keep me apprised when casino oyna I could barely bring myself to interact with her.
Which is why I drank. To forget these feelings…
Going out to the bars with my friends made me the emptiness easier to bear; I won’t say it was good. I was just able to be in the moment, not to think about the future or anything of substance. Being numb didn’t really help me, it just delayed the inevitable.
So when Sophie invited me out to the Eagle’s Pub for drinks I was immediately in. I did my normal act, bought a few drinks with the group until the couples started pairing off. I did my part and smiled at the occasional boy who came over looking interested to get a few free drinks. After a while though, excuses were made, and I ended up alone again. As the night grew long, Sophie eventually broke off to reprimand me for not picking up a suitable guy again…
“What was wrong with that last guy?” She inquired.
“I know, he was hot, but he kept talking about his ex,” I lied.
“Oh, come on… A night with you would have him forgetting all about some slag.”
I laughed. Sophie was such a charmer. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but if I don’t feel like having to compete with girls I don’t even know…”
“Well fine, but with that attitude you’re never going to get laid Lana.” She contemplated for a minute, sipping on her drink, “Though from the way John has been looking at you I don’t think he would object if you joined us tonight,” she said with a wink.
I knew I was considered attractive by most. I was leggy, with what I thought was a nice, round ass. I didn’t have much going on in the chest area, but my perky B cup breasts accented my body in my opinion. I had always thought my face to be kind of boyish, but I could light up the room when I smiled. While I knew it wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, I considered my bright red, shoulder length hair to be one of my best features. In light of this, I wasn’t sure if she was just saying this to placate me, so I admittedly thought about it before I uttered a throaty laugh. “Thanks darling, but I couldn’t compete with you for his attention. Besides, I’m pretty wasted; I think I need my beauty rest before I make any decisions of that sort.”
She eyed me for a few moments, slyly before acquiescing, “Alright honey, but don’t think this is the last you hear from me.”
“Better not be,” I added as she sauntered back to John. With that I decided to grab one last shot of Jose before I made my way back to my apartment off campus.
The morning came all too soon.
Fuuuuuuccckk, I am never drinking again! I swore this to myself often, but this morning it felt particularly promising. It took me a good while to comprehend the pounding wasn’t localized to my brain. I finally realized I was hearing a rhythmic thump on the door in addition to the one I felt reverberating throughout my body.
I slowly made my way to the door as I put on the first shirt I found on my floor. Looking through the peephole I cringed, SHIT!
My mom was at the door, saying something to Anna as they were beginning to leave about how she shouldn’t be staying out all night in random places like I did if she was to do well in school. At that I gathered my wits and opened the door.
“Mom, I don’t stay out all night,” I called after her.
“LANA,” she shrieked before running up to smother me, “Surprise!” Eventually I was able to shake her off before she followed up, “Ugh, you smell like a distillery!”
“Sorry Mom,” I replied abashedly, “But it was the last real outing before the semester starts.” With that I brushed past her and enveloped Anna in a crushing hug. She was just a touch shorter than me at 5’8″, so I couldn’t help but look down over her shoulder and notice her exceptional, heart shaped ass, frozen in place by her strategically torn skinny jeans. Her normal sweatshirt had been replaced by an old green coat that looked like it belonged in world war two. Beneath that, a loose tank top with a crowned Biggie Smalls failed to completely cover a sports bra over her amply sized C cup breasts. I wasn’t complaining as this getup accentuated her features in a much more flattering way. “I missed you so much,” I tried to emphasize as I took in her beauty. A shock of light blue hair effortlessly framed her perfectly sculpted face. A wisp of hair hung down from her brow, concealing one of her crystal blue eyes. Seeing her sent an electric tingle through my body, and I did my best to extend the hug as long as I could before it became awkward.
Returning a weak hug with a flat look, she replied haughtily as we came apart, “Good to see you… Finally.” I was disappointed not to see her infectious smile. While I loved every one of her features, this was far and away my favorite part of her. She had a toothy grin that revealed her somewhat buck teeth that were just a touch out of place in their alignment. When her smile shone, the corners of her mouth curled upward sharply, exaggerating slot oyna her cheekbones. The contrast of her imperfect teeth with her perfect face only served to make her more beautiful.
Trying to ignore her antagonistic response, I asked, “So do you need help moving in?” giving her what I hoped was a reassuring smile.
“Nah, my boy toy already helped me move in earlier.” She said with an evil grin and a quick raise of the brow.
“Don’t call Ron your boy toy,” Mom scolded as I gave Anna a horrified look. “Ron is the first decent guy she’s brought around,” she continued for my benefit, “But anyway, let’s get some brunch.”
A boyfriend!!?! I floundered for a moment before I caught myself and said, “Yeah, I’ll get changed and we can go to the Mason.”
We sat down and ordered our food, all the time talking about the average family stuff. Mom asked when she would meet Marcus, and I told her I had kicked him to the curb a while back so I wouldn’t have to persist in the lie while Anna was around. She filled me in on life back in Montana, and all the while Anna was quietly eating her sandwich, avoiding my gaze. Eventually Mom went to the bathroom, and I gathered up the courage to ask, “So, Ron eh?”
“Yeah, he’s pretty great,” she replied before she began eating again.
“But, you’re… You know…”
“A dyke?” she accused, with a raised brow. She waited a few moments before she resumed, “Yeah, he’s not really attracted to me though, so it works out. This way neither of our parents question things too much.”
A wide smile came to my face at that. “Good, I thought you’d gone and changed on me,” I said jokingly.
“I’m not the one who changed,” she challenged.
The silence deepened and stretched on as I gathered my courage. “Look Anna… I’m really sorry. I haven’t kept in contact as much as I should have this last year…”
“No shit,” she said, cutting me off, “Why the fuck couldn’t you just talk to me like we always used to?”
Before I could think of some way to justify myself, mom returned, sliding into her seat before continuing to probe me about college life. We finished our meals, and I chatted with mom while Anna looked about the room disinterestedly, only answering monosyllabically when the conversation pertained to her. Eventually we paid and left.
Soon enough mom pulled us back up in front of my apartment. As I was saying goodbye I looked to my sister and said, “Anna, you should come hang out tonight, I can pick you up later if you want.”
“Yeah, maybe another time, I want to settle in and take it slow for my first night here…”
I was crestfallen, but accepted her rebuke. “Well you’re welcome anytime, I’ll come see you tomorrow and show you around campus before school starts and it’s flooded on Monday.”
“Okay,” she said unenthusiastically.
Her cool answer crushed me inside, especially knowing I was the cause of the rift. My mom got out of the car with me to walk me to the door.
“Well Lana, it is always wonderful to see you!” mom exclaimed. “And honey, don’t feel too bad about Anna. She has taken it a little personally that you have been moving on with your life and haven’t had as much time for us.”
“Mom, that’s not it at all. I wanted to see you both so bad, and I feel bad that I didn’t make more of an effort.”
“Oh honey, don’t. I was in college once too you know, I know how it is,” she said with a smile. “But you’ll have to take things a bit slowly with your sister, she was always used to having you to lean on, and I think this last year was hard for her without you. But I know you two will be back to your old inseparable ways before long.”
I gave her a heartfelt smile before ambushing her with a big hug. “Thanks mom. You always know how to make me feel better. I will be sure we both come visit you before too long.”
With that I left her and waved as she drove my sister back to campus. I knew she was right; there was a lot of crow I was going to have to eat before things would be okay with Anna again. Just seeing her though had made my heart race. But by now I knew I had made a drastic mistake by letting things get as strained as they were. I resolved to put aside my personal lust and work to regain the easy going, goofy repertoire that we had previously enjoyed.
That afternoon I gave Anna a text. Hey, I know things have been fucked up, and it’s totally my fault, but I would really love it if you came over tonight to chill.
After a good while of waiting, and fretting on my part I received simply, Fine.
I was sincerely happy that I had been able to get her to come, so I began making my special chicken casserole in preparation, not knowing when she would arrive.
As the hours ticked by, I busied myself in a new fantasy series that I had been reading. Soon enough I read the clock and saw it was 9:30. Pissed that my sister was intentionally blowing me off when I was trying to make things right I began to text her when I heard a car out front. canlı casino siteleri Chastising myself for being impatient I waited until I heard the bell ring
Getting up I answered the door with a smile, “Finally, I was getting worried you had forgotten about your big sist…” Seeing a group of guys I had never seen in my life threw me off. “Who the Hell are you?”
“Hey, Lana right?” the smooth looking front man said. “Are we early?”
“Uhhh,” I stalled, “Early for what?”
Looking at me like I was the one out of place he said as he pushed past me carrying a 30 rack of beer, “The party? Anna said you were having a rager tonight, but it looks like we’re the first ones here.”
Still confused, I was about to kick these strangers out when I saw Anna pulling up in a convertible with several other girls. Seeing her, I decided it would be best to see from her what was really happening here.
I made my way down to the car. “Anna, what is going on?” I asked with a puzzled look.
“Hey, head inside ladies,” she said to her group, waiting a few moments before answering me. “Well I thought it would be fun to have a few people over before the semester started.” A few moments later she flashed a look of false concern, “Did I do something wrong? This is what’s been keeping you busy for the last year right?”
Giving her a dismayed look I told her, “Well, I was hoping we could hang just the two of us tonight and catch up a bit.”
“Well don’t worry, there won’t be that many people, and we’ll have plenty of time to hang out together,” she said as a rebuke. With that she brushed past me and joined her companions. Reasoning that she couldn’t have found that many friends in the last few hours, I decided to accept her reprimand and I followed her back inside.
Soon though, more and more people began to stream in carrying varying amounts of liquor. Quickly my small apartment was filled with people and music was bumping loudly as my house was being thoroughly thrashed. Here and there I saw beer spilling over the furniture, personal items being smashed both inadvertently and just for the hell of it. It became apparent that my sister didn’t really know most of these people, and that she had orchestrated this as a punishment.
Having had enough, I plowed my way through the crowd to my speaker system. Unplugging the music got a loud chorus of groans, but I yelled over it. “EVERYONE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
The first time I yelled, people only stopped to look. Seeing nobody in a hurry to leave I continued, “GET THE HELL OUT, NOW!!”
With that I heard quite a bit of grumbling as people began to make their way to the door. In the aftermath I saw Anna leaving with a group of people. Breaking my way through the crowd, I grabbed a hold of her and started to drag her aside.
She pulled herself off quickly saying, “What the fuck Lana, why are you being such a Bitch?”
Hearing that made me physically recoil. My sister and I certainly didn’t have anything against cursing, but never before had either of us said anything remotely close to that to each other. On the rare occasions we fought, we had always been tame with each other, no matter how pissed we were. I was taken aback and gave her a stunned look. I thought I saw a look of contrition across her face as she melted into the crowd, but I couldn’t quite be sure. I stood still, crushed, as the last people finally trickled out of my house.
Leaving my thrashed living area, I staggered to my bedroom before I broke down in tears on my bed. How were things so fucked? I knew I had messed up before Anna had come, but we had always been two of a kind. It was us against the world, and we always had each other’s back, no matter the circumstance. Hearing her say those words toward me had broken the part of me that was sure I could repair our relationship. Eventually I sunk into a fitful sleep, and was carried off to dark dreams.
Over the next few days I desperately wanted to make things right with my sister, especially given how our previous encounter had ended. However, when I texted her asking to meet I got no response. After another day with no answer, I began to get annoyed, and resolved to go on with my life till Anna broke down and saw how immaturely she was acting.
That Friday night, Sophie invited me to a house party. I accepted, and she told me to meet she was going to set me up and that I should meet at her place Friday night at eight for some pre-gaming. Since all I wanted was to get wasted again and forget about the world, I wore worn jeans and a loose shirt that I was sure wasn’t too flattering, while I brought a handle of cheap whiskey over to her house. Showing up I saw Sophie in a gorgeous strapless dress with John and a nice bottle of champagne sitting on the counter.
I could see Sophie give me a quick laugh accompanied by a shake of her head and a solid eye roll as she saw my getup. With that she pulled me into her room before I could say a word. “I knew you would try and sabotage this, so I took the liberty of picking out an outfit for you. And before you can make up an excuse, Percy is a nice guy. Smart too, and my girlfriends tell me he has a big dick, so he’s the whole package. Just give him a chance.”
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